well I can't set my house on fire every night
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I have already put on my inside pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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