I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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