We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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