farters have to be the big spoon...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
