***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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