I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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