Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
