well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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