if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
