good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
