Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
