I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
