About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
