He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
