I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Randomize
