ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
