The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
