There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
