So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
