Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize