dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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