if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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