so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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