just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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