3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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