Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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