This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
