I bet he comes in French.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize