The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
