I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
