Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
