Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
