She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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