It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
