Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
