the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
