the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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