his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize