my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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