R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
