I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
