i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize