I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
