I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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