I just made out with a guy for $7.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
