stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
