very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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