dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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