please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
