my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
