He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize