I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
