just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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