I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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