Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
