it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
