I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize