it's not cheating when I paid for it
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
