Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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