why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
