There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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