she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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