My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
