You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Randomize
